I don’t pay for coffee.
Waitrose pay for my coffee. Do I deserve it? No.
I’ve been taking full advantage of the supermarket Waitrose for nearly 24 months now. I visit this store nearly everyday to claim my free coffee and I have never shopped there. Here’s 5 things only people who get free coffee at Waitrose have been through:
‘So wait you can get free coffee everyday for nothing? Just for having a loyalty card that you don’t even need to use?’
It’s too good to be true you tell yourself. There must be a catch you tell yourself.
Once you’ve got your head around the free coffee thing. You’re still slightly confused.
‘So do I just walk up to the counter and pretend I’m a Waitrose customer? Should I buy a cravat? Make it look slightly more believable.’
Plus do you really see yourself as someone who would take advantage of a generous offer from a supermarket you’ve never even been in before? This confusion lasts for a very short amount of time as you realise yes, you totally are that type of person.
You are fundermantally a bad person.
You order your card. It’s a done deal. You maybe even get a temporary card. You’re overcome with excitement. It all gets a bit much for you. You’ve got access to free coffee and there’s nothing Waitrose or anybody else can do about it.
You even get a choice! You’re in a secret coffee club that nobody else knows about! Life is so good.
Turns out, other people know about this free coffee thing.
‘How dare they? This is my free coffee scam and you should all go and pay at Starbucks like everybody else does.’
It’s hard not to get mad at the queue. There is always a queue.
The anger fades as you slip into a daze whilst queuing for your 23rd free Latte of the month. Maybe one of the machines isn’t working which is great because it gives you some more time to reflect on the fact that you are essentially a thief. A coffee thief. Shame on you. I know you put some extra sugars in your pocket last Tuesday to take home. You scumbag.
There will come a time, like me, you’ll feel the guilt.
It might not be the first few weeks, or even the first few months.
But when you’ve been in the game for as long as I have, the guilt can often become crippling. You want to step out of the free coffee queue and go and actually pay for a Costa and not feel ashamed.
But these free coffee queues are funny. First you hate ’em, then you get used to ’em.
Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them.