This is Ralph.
We got him at just 12 weeks old.
He is currently asleep on my feet, as he has been for every post written in this blog so far.
It was October of last year when we decided to get Ralph. A shy Cocker Spaniel Labrador cross, we welcomed him into our home to bring us endless joy in the way only a puppy really can. This lasted for about 4 minutes until he urinated on the carpet and I’ve been cleaning up after him ever since.
With his 1st birthday just around the corner, I thought I’d share some of the things Ralph has taught me over the past year. Here’s 5 things nobody ever tells you before getting your first puppy:
You’ve no idea what the puppy will like
Like any first time puppy owners, we didn’t have a clue what we were doing. I had a 25 minute conversation with a lady called Debbie in Pets at Home and I was still none the wiser.
‘With the dog food… The more expensive is it, the better it is.’
Thanks for that Debbie. You’ve been incredibly helpful.
It’s not like this when you buy a fish. You buy a fish, you buy a tank. Easy. The fish goes in the tank and bobs-your-uncle, let’s have a cup of tea and what’s on the telly? The puppy product purchasing process, as well as being quite difficult to say, is an incredibly confusing and overwhelming experience.
‘Do you think he’ll like this?’ I asked my girlfriend whilst clutching a rubber chicken in my hand. ‘Maybe he’ll like this squeaky hot dog?’ Not a clue.
The puppy will wee on everything you’ve ever owned
I remember buying some ‘simple solution’ puppy training pads. On the front of the packet there was a puppy having a wee on the mat and he looked really happy.
Simple Solution Puppy Training Pads are designed especially for puppies and can help aid the process of house-training your pet. Easy for your pet to use and easy for you to clean up – making everyone a winner!
Ralph ate them.
It was around this time we realised exactly what we’d let ourselves in for. In one of our puppy books, there was a list of things to introduce your puppy to within the first month. One of them was ‘introduce your puppy to an OAP’.
I chose my 90 year old next door neighbour.
It didn’t go quite according to plan. If the book had said ‘let him urinate on you in front of on an OAP’ then I would have been fine.
The puppy will eat everything you’ve ever owned
For every cute Instagram picture:
Your puppy will leave a trail of destruction.
If you like your possessions, don’t get a puppy.
Puppy School is tough.
We signed Ralph up to a puppy class. Every Saturday morning for 6 weeks to learn some basic skills. We lasted 3 weeks and on one of the mornings we were asked to leave. Ralph is very excitable. Being in a room with other puppies was his dream come true and all he wanted to do was play.
He didn’t want to sit, he didn’t want to stay, he didn’t want to walk nicely by my side. He just wanted to play.
The classes turned into me and my girlfriend trying to bribe him not to run around the hall by feeding him ham.
We just fed him lots of ham. We got sent home the morning Ralph wasn’t interested in ham anymore and took a shine to a small white poodle.
He never got his puppy class certificate.
The farting is relentless.
Ralph farts everyday. The smell is so bad I’ve often gagged and he shows absolutely no sign of remorse. I’ve never known anything like it.
For a very short amount of time, it’s funny and cute. Then very quickly that stops.
But look at him:
All is forgiven Ralph. Yes you’ve keeping us awake at night, yes you’ve destroyed countless amounts of our things and yes your farts smell like death.
But like I’m sure any dog owners reading this will agree, they are completely worth it.