I don’t like doing any of this stuff. I’m a man. I’m a man’s man. If you question me about any of this, I will deny it.
Here are 5 feminine things that guys secretly like doing. A lot.
Men take showers.
That’s the rule. The shower lasts for 3 minutes and we wash ourselves with something manly like Lynx Africa. Every bloke has a Lynx Africa knocking around somewhere, probably from an auntie at Christmas who got it in the 3 for 2 at Boots. If we’re out of Lynx Africa, we use some other bloke-y sounding shower gel like MAN-POWER or TURBO-REVITALISE.
(You’ve not lived until you’ve washed yourself in some foamy man-power let me tell you.)
We are not supposed to take baths. We are not supposed to like taking baths. We are especially not supposed to like taking bubble baths. I recently went to Lush to buy my girlfriend a gift. I went in a bit bemused and came out with 3 very bright, very smelly bath-bombs.
She enjoyed the bath. She lit some candles, she played some music. Lots of bubbles, very girly. She’d finished her bath and I though to myself, ‘Why let it go to waste?’.
Next thing you know I’ve been in the bath for 20 minutes, I’m listening to Alanis Morissettte and I’ve completely forgotten that I am a man. The lowest point of the whole experience was when I said to my girlfriend ‘Can I use your organic soap stick?’.
Oh the shame.
Ben & Jerry’s
So I’ve been getting into Ben & Jerry’s ice cream recently. An ice-cream I can’t help but associate with being… ‘for the girls’.
For example, you can’t eat it with the lads can you? Nobody’s ever turned up to a lads Fifa night in with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s.
‘Alright lads! Let’s get this Fifa tournament going shall we?! Crack open the beers! Who’s got the Pizza menu? Also… I’ve bought a tub of Cookie-Dough ice cream for us to share after the Pizza. Can we just make sure we are only taking 1 piece of cookie dough with every spoonful. Thanks lads, you guys are the best.’
You certainly can’t admit to liking it when asked. Even if you use your manliest voice.
‘What’s your favourite type of ice-cream?’
*Does a deep manly voice* ‘Ben & Jerry’s Karamel Sutra mate.’
This is the latest TV show that I pretend to hate but secretly I am really in to. It joins a long list of TV shows that I pretend to hate but secretly I am really in to.
Sex and the City, Keeping up with the Kardashians, This Morning. I can’t get enough of this stuff.
I’ve been trying to keep my love for these shows a secret. This went out of the window the other day when my girlfriend figured out I really really like ITV2’s Love Island. It was a normal evening, we’d had a bit of food and then we decided to watch Love Island. I did my usual ‘Oh no not Love Island!’ routine but secretly in my head, I was chuffed. It hadn’t recorded on the Sky planner and without thinking, these panicked words came out of my mouth:
‘It’s not recorded on the Sky planner. It says its not recorded on the Sky planner, it’s failed. Why has it failed though? Can we watch a repeat? Is this repeated online? What about catch-up? Is there a catch up service? Is it too early for catch-up? It’s too early for catch-up so we can’t watch it. We can’t watch it!’
My girlfriend knows my secret, and now so do you.
Flowers, Candles & Diffusers
Right then, stick with me on this one.
Flowers, candles & diffusers. I secretly like all three. We all like good smelling things right?
Flowers. Here are the flowers that were in the kitchen recently.
I had to be asked to stop mentioning how nice it was to have fresh flowers in the house.
Candles. Candles have become a big part of my life. Great for masking smells.
So say if I walk in a room and my dog has farted and I can’t breath, light a candle.
Diffusers. I didn’t even know what a diffuser was until I met my girlfriend. We’ve got one in every room. My favourite is the one in the dining room that smells like cherries. I’ve not walked passed it yet without going ‘Oooooo cherries!’
Everyone likes cherries.
You’d struggle to find a Disney film that I don’t enjoy. Today I watched Beauty and the Beast.
It’s a very very good film, I genuinely enjoy it. It’s my guilty pleasure. Is Beauty and the Beast maybe my favourite film ever?
No, it’s not. It’s Die Hard. If anybody asks, it’s Die Hard.